It would seem the smart phone has been invented for one reason alone, such is the proliferation of this particular use. I am of course talking about the nude selfie. Sometimes called dick pics, they seem to propagate every corner of the Internet.
Most nude selfies are taken in the moment, on a whim and without much thought. The angle is typical: drop your pants, get yourself hard and point the camera down. Either that or stand in front of a grubby mirror and make sure the phone covers your face.
So let’s take a look at how the humble nude selfie can be improved upon with just a few simple tips and techniques. All it often takes is a bit of thought, a bit of creativity and some trial and error.
Cleanliness & Grooming
Firstly, and it doesn’t matter what pose or state of dress you intend to take your selfie in, jump in the shower first. Get yourself clean before you photograph your bits. And hey, while under the shower, use the time to get yourself in the mood. Your selfie will thank you later.
And with the cleanliness aspect comes the grooming. If you’re bushy and proud, skip this paragraph. But if you like to keep yourself trimmed, neat, or even completely smooth, take the time to do this as well. Pamper yourself a little, take care of your junk, get yourself looking and feeling sexy.
Privacy & Environment
Next to consider is privacy and environment. Live in a shared house? Lock the door. You don’t want to be walked-in on while you’re photographing a spunk spray over the toilet seat your flatmate had intended to sit on before witnessing your volcanic ejaculation.
Also to consider is what is going to be in the frame. If you are going to put the camera on a timer and step back, chances are the background is going to be more in the frame. And if you intend to upload your proud boner to the Internet, you don’t want the family portrait in the background, or your credit card statement visible on the table, complete with personal details. Set the camera up and take a couple of test shots first. Check what is visible and make adjustments until it is just right.
On the note of identifiable items, if you are being cheeky in the bathroom of your workplace, again make sure there is nothing that links the photo to your employer. Make it anonymous as the last thing you want is to be hauled up to HR to explain why there is photographic evidence of you jacking off in the boardroom after everyone else had gone home for the day.
If you are going to be in a public environment, like a nudist beach for example, or a daring shot in the gym changing room, make sure you check that other people are not in frame. In the UK it is poor etiquette to take photos on a naturist beach. However, that isn’t to say you can’t. If you are discreet and ensure someone else’s cock isn’t about to be uploaded for the world to see, then no harm.
If you happen to be in a environment where other people being in shot is unavoidable, like a group naked bike ride or a naturist hike, then make sure the other people in the photograph are aware and have given permission for the photograph to be uploaded. It is just common courtesy and there may be local laws governing this.
If you intend to take a reflection of yourself in a mirror, please clean the mirror first. The camera will always focus on any marks on the mirror and being glass, these marks are emphasised in the photograph. Wipe it down first, please. And obviously and if necessary, wipe it down afterwards as well.
Be Creative
As most nude selfies are taken at home, they all tend to be the same. And familiarity is boring. So get creative. Try different poses. Allow yourself to be expressive with your body and inject a bit of personality in your selfie. Tease a little, show your softer side. Move your body around and see what works and what makes you look good.
If I’m taking a photo of my ass, it looks plain and boring if I am standing straight. I found that even just a subtle lean to either the left or right causes my backside to change shape ever so slightly, and it makes it look so much better.
And remember, you don’t have to be completely nude. Some of the sexiest selfies I’ve seen are of guys barely showing anything. Often it is the little teases of a cock – or even just the top of the pubes line – it’s this that can turn others on as much as an engorged boner on full display. Also on a similar note, you don’t have to be sporting a boner at all. Sometimes a softy or a semi looks hot as well.
And speaking of flaccid/semi/hard, don’t be tempted to load up PhotoShop and stretch it out. Just don’t do it. It always looks obvious and it always looks hideous. Just be yourself and love yourself. Some of us are well-endowed, some less so. Who cares and embrace the fact we are all different.
Lighting
My final point is one that is perhaps the hardest to figure out and control: lighting. Photographs always look better in natural light, which means taking your selfie in the middle of a bright sunny day with the curtains flung open. Perhaps not the best idea if you are easily and obviously overlooked by neighbours, passers-by or the police station that happens to be over the road.
So if you are using artificial light, play around with it. Try different lamps and in different positions. Use reflectors to try and control the light and shadow in the image. Play with your camera settings as well. A flash will tend to make you look like Casper the ghost, regardless of how much you are tanned. But modern cameras and phones have a night time setting, or you are able to adjust the white balance. Take some time to learn your camera and how it best works in different lighting.
General Tips
If you feel anxious at all, just set the timer and get the camera to continue taking photos until you stop it. And then just walk about and do stuff. You’ll probably find the best photos are the ones where you actually forgot the camera was taking shots.
Remember to ensure your photos are private. Don’t think the delete button gets rid of them on an iPhone – you must go into the the deleted images folder and delete them from there as well, especially before you hand your phone to someone else. Think about how your phone auto-syncs with other devices, and if the cloud storage that everything gets uploaded to is secure and only seen by yourself.
Also, don’t send unsolicited nudes to others. It’s rude, it’s dumb and in many countries now, it is a crime. So don’t be a dick with the photograph of your dick.
Check out different apps for your phone that will make it easier to get the settings right, or to frame your member just perfect. I’ll write more on this separately, but I use an app that adds features like continuous shutter at varying speeds and different timers. Also, helpful is an app that utilises Bluetooth to link two devices, enabling you to view the camera and control the shutter from another. Think about using a tripod or selfie stick as well. There are lots of ways of making your selfie experience easier and getting better results without much outlay in cost.
And most important of all, the key thing when you feel like photographing your cock and/or ass… enjoy yourself. If you aren’t enjoying it, don’t do it. Get yourself in the mood, relax and play around. Smile, giggle, put some music on. Slip on some sexy underwear, have a wank, tickle your balls.
Whatever it is that you do, it’s always important to enjoy it and to love yourself.
View all the nude selfie photographs on Cheeky Boners by following the nude selfie tag.
Header Image: Perfect Nude Selfie On The Beach
